To Hold and to Whisper
by Eaasybugboy
Summary: There's words she wants to say to him, but she is not good with speeches. She has never been. C


One shot written on tumblr for precious and smut queen BK, because you deserve it boo, thank you Liz for your help and advice, you're a sweetheart, and of course Panda for the rest :) I hope you enjoy and appreciate, no real timeline here, post Snow Queen only. This is unbetaed so please be kind :)

**Word count: 2497**

**Rated M for smuff**

**Summary: There's words she wants to say to him, but she is not good with speeches. She has never been.**

* * *

><p>"Do you remember her? Your mom."<p>

She had meant to have a light talk- God she needed to after what had happened with the Snow Queen, a warm blanket, a cup of hot cocoa and just a moment to breath. Killian and her had managed to find themselves locked behind the doors of his room, later than what they had planned and without (sure) second thoughts.

How wrong had she been, thinking they would only spend less than a hour - here they were, laying on his bed,talking about their childhood memories, an harmless talk that had started with Emma talking about her first white Christmas.

"I.. I don't have many memories of her, I was a lad when she died, barely 4 years old, if you asked Liam-. " Killian shook his head, chuckling to himself before gazing back at her. "Her name was Virginia, and from what I remember, she loved me. My brother has a lot more memoies of her than I do. And now those memories are dead with him."

She didn't think before reaching for him, cupping his cheek and tracing the scar decorating the skin, his eyes glued to her, she saw how deeply it meant to him to be touched like that. After all, he was like her, too much like her that it used (still do?) to scare her. If she shared magic issues with Elsa, she shared a different kind of bond with Killian, same pain, same look in his eyes (one she had refused to see for so long). They were both laying on his bed, at Granny's, facing each other and telling tales of their previous adventures and somehow they had opened old closets guarded by heavy wooden doors.  
>"It's hard to imagine you as a kid." Her voice tried to be cheerful but she doubted he was blind or daft for the matter to the tenderness hiding behind her words.<p>

To be honest, Emma was pretty sure that now she didn't care if he noticed or not.

He must know by now.

"Believe me Swan, I did use to be a child once, just a long time ago."

Her thumb went from the scar to the corner of her lips, giving him the perfect opportunity to kiss her fingers, his scruff pleasantly grazing her palm. Not saying a word for a long time, they just simply stared at each other, as if they could read each other.

Open book he had told her once.

Maybe it was the same for him too.

Or she did believe so at this moment.

She knew it was true.

Rolling from her side of the bed, Emma leaned closer to press her lips upon his, the kiss as slow and tender, his hook on her hip sent a chill to her spine, makin her arch her chest seeking more. She had been a real fool thinking that this spark between them would end up going away. There was something under her skin, buzzing as his hand went under her to bring her even closer, her leg ended thrown over his, pulling closer, his warm fingers tracing patterns on her skin.

Killian was the one to break their kiss though, chuckling softly as his nose bumped into hers, "Maybe we should stop. I'm afraid my stories-"

She shushed him with another kiss, her tongue tracing his bottom lip inviting him to deepen it, a message he got since Emma was now on her back, her hips ondulating under his, the way he moved above her, his hand at the junction of her neck and shoulder to keep her down. The heat in the room seemed to have increased, her hands holding onto his shirt, (who knew flowerly shirts could be so hot, she needed to introduce him to flannel asap.)

He was hard against her jean, the feeling of him wanting her so much almost too much, a delicious ache between her legs making her want to moan. Again, he pushed away first, staying abover her only supporting himself on his elbows, his eyes too blue to be true.

"Are you sure about this lass? I want to but I want you to be sure."

Always the gentleman her pirate, she thought, smiling at him, "Yeah." Just to make sure he had got it, she rose her head to kiss him, using all the strength she had to roll him on his back - she knew he had let her, and a part of her was enjoying that fact.

Her hands fastened over his shirt first, no matter how little use he did of the buttons on a regular basis, her imagination hadn't left her in peace at night (and sometimes even during shift at the stations) wondering how he looked under that leather, her fingers meeting the warm metal of his necklace, moaning softly between half closed lips when he bucked his hips forward a devilish smile on his stupid face.

God she was so screwed.

Of course he was absolutely stunning, his shirt wide open, toned and muscular just enough - result of years of hard work above a deck, some scars he wore with pride, a light of pride shining in his eyes, though reading between the lines, she knew that this facade was just an act. Just like her he had walls, guarded and meant to keep him safe. Walls he more willingly dropped for her, to let her in, he took a leap of faith at moments she wouldn't dare.

His eyes held hers proudly, waiting for her sentence.

Tonight, Emma didn't want it to be in charge. She didn't want to take the lead, for once, she wanted him to show her, really. Not just with words.

So instead of reaching for him, and God she wanted to, God she needed to, her fingers tickling with need, her belly aching a soft heat pooled between her legs- Emma started slowly to unbutton her blouse, revealing a black bra - she congratulated herself for the choice of one that was prettily laced.

Not missing a bit of his expression, she saw him hold his breath, his jaw clenching as she offered more skin to his hungry eyes, the soft rub of his thumb on her skin, hand on her hip, making her really aware of her power over him right now.

But she wanted to show him more than just skin, she wanted them to be equal, bare in front of each other, tired of hiding, tired of trying to protect each other from the possibility - the certainty of something more than great, something earthshaking, a them whispered at the corners of lips, breathed into a kiss, but never spoken out loud.

She needed this.  
>They needed this.<p>

Once done with her blouse, Emma searched for his hand, showing him a scar on top of her breast, not saying a word but just smiling at him, the warm of his fingertips feeling more than nice on her cooler skin, tracing electric lines over her, his hand cupped her breast through the bra, his thumb teasing her nipple through the lacy material.  
>Her mouth parted, Killian's hand following the line of her bra, his touch like fire on her skin mixed with anticipation. She focused her eyes on him, holding his burning stare as his fingers unhooked her bra leeting her no time to wonder how in hell he had managed to figure it out.<p>

Oh she had no time to think.  
>His lips had just closed around one of her nipples while the other hand fondled the other. He paid great attention not just on her hardened tips but on the skin all around, nuzzling the interside of her breasts with his nose, pressing kisses to every inch he could reach, as if kisses could heal broken skin and broken heart.<p>

Maybe they could.  
>Oh she believed it just now, her hands gripping his hair tightly, taking the firmest hold she could because she felt too much, burned too much and yet not enough, her hips buckling over his, needing this little more friction, needing him just naked now.<p>

But they both wanted to savore this, to share and take and give, they couldn't rush, looking into his eyes, she saw that, shivering at the cool air on her breast and because of the intensity of his eyes on her.

He loved her.

Oh he did.  
>And now, it didn't scare her.<br>She might not be able to say the words, but she could show him.  
>He would surprise her, of course he would, her twenty-one century man, always taking her by surprise, his clever fingers finding the claps of her bra and getting it out of his way, his scruff leaving a burn on her skin.<p>

It made her giggle.

"I should maybe shave it a little bit, or at least do-"

Her fingers lifted his mouth to her, her legs tightening around his hips, her mouth brushing over his as she spoke, "You better not, I really do enjoy it."

"If that's what the lady wishes." Killian chuckled, kissing her deeply, his tongue delving into her mouth - God the man would kiss, and what a kiss, she felt it in her whole body, all teeth and tongue and heat. Pressing her body closer to his, loving the way his hot skin and the hair of his chest brushed over her own skin.  
>"You better be sure about this love." He said in a whisper, his mouth leaving hers for a moment - he needed to stop doing that, her heart missing a beat evey time he would go, like an ach in her chest. She hated to put it this way but his kisses were addictive.<p>

She was acting like one of those heroines in a novel, the kind of things she thought only happened in the world of fiction.  
>She was screwed.<p>

And if that was not enough, Killian rolled her on her back, pressing her deliciously onto the matress, his body covering hers as he got rid of his shirt once for good, the coolness of his pendants brushing over her chest.

Killian put his talented mouth to good use, as if he was trying to prove her something - she knew deep down that behind each one of his kisses against her skin, shoulder, neck, her pulsing point or the top of her breast, was hidden the fear that this might be a one time thing.

By fearing of getting hurt, she had hurt him by raising walls up, accidently or not getting him harm in the way.

He was proving himself to her, and had since day one.

So she did as best as she could, knowing she wasn't good at speeches like he was - she shivered at the memory of the Cave and his confession, her hand tentatively lifted up to cup his cheek, thumb stroking the apple of his cheek before she kissed him softly, biting on his lower lip until he opened to her, tongues meeting as her body ondulated under his.

She felt as much as he did, her heart pumping hard in her chest, a new music in her veins singing, words murmured with each stroke of her legs and hands, her mouth slidding over his over and over again trying to pour everything she had to offer him, everything she felt and wanted from him.

To give, tonight she wanted to give him so much.  
>Surely not a one time thing.<p>

Holding tightly on his hair, Emma held him in place and kissed him throughly, his own hand resting on her hip, thumb stroking her hipbone, the motion maddening.

For once she pulled back and her eyes met his, her nose brushing against his, she licked her lips and hoped he understood.

His blue eyes - too blue to be true sometimes, sparlked, burned as the most beautiful smile was appearing on his lips.

Then they quickened their pace, her hands on his belt getting rid of his pants, his kisses along her belly, his lips at the sharp angle of her hipbone with a devilish smirk, his thumb hooked in her panties.

He was taking his time, bastard that he was, taking all the good time in the world to see her squirm and whimper under him, trying to pull out of her every moan he could. Definitely putting to good use all those years of piracy - she tried to push away that thought - easily done when he was back on top of her, his lenght pressed and pulsing against her tight, tick and ready. She tried to rock against him, to initiate the contact, to pull him closer and to have him do something - he had complete control, she wanted him to have it, but that didn't mean she wasn't beautifully aching. Her hands went to his ass, pressing against the back of his spine, getting him closer to her center, her lips parting under the delicious wave of pleasure sent right through her veins, her legs closing around the ankles behind his back, hells pressed into his ass, a smirk drawing itself on her lips when she saw him starting to lose his control.

Good.

His mouth wide open, his lips tasting hers, he finally spoke:

"I'm trying to take this slow Swan." His words were breathy, his hand on her cheek trembling with need and self control, and worse, he was almost there.

Her tongue teased his top lip, her teeth grazing his bottom before she bit his chin not too gently, her nails digging into his back - oh good God, the muscles she felt under her hands were powerful and defined perfectly - years of hard-work and God that was all too much.

"This is not a one time thing."

Emma almost didn't recognize her own voice, she kissed the corner of his mouth before laying back on her pillow, staring at him, her beautiful and passionate pirate.

Something broke within him, she felt it in the fierceness of his kiss when he finally urged forward claiming both her lips and her body - her heart already his for a long time now.

Oh.  
>OH.<p>

Buried deep inside her, his hard lenght pulsing, Killian started moving, the rythm slow and mesured, his lips either in her neck, her shoulder on her mouth. For a brief second, Emma was concerned about the sound they made - the bed might be banging against the wall at any minute ( she would force him to urge faster oh she will).

His breath was hot in her neck, his hand craddling her head as he moved, she felt all his muscles rolling under the his movements, his thrusts starting to lose their control, jerking more impatiently. She accompinied him, bucking into him and meeting him each time, urging him faster , the burn too much and not enough at the same time. He held her close and paid attention to her, his hand lifting her leg higher on his hip so he could hit deeper, harder, reaching that one spot inside her that had her see stars, she was close, the sky starting to turn white, her toes flexing almost painfully as she squeezed his waist. His handless arm curled behind her back to angle her better.

Emma nipped at his neck, teeth tasting the skin, smiling lightly when she felt him groan, the sound deep and low in his chest, he quickened his pace, before he was right there, her eyes rolling in their orbits as her head fell deeper in her pillow, fingers fisting in his hair into a crazy grip.

Killian followed after a few jerks of his hips buring his head against her shoulder, his mouth leaving open wet hot kisses here and there, his hand strocking her side, his weight sitting in a pleasant way above her.

She took him all, holding him and caressing his back, listening to his peaceful breathing, for a moment she thought he had fallen asleep but his nose nuzzled her cheek to tell her he was very much awake. Rolling on his side, he laid there watching her, his eyes still drizzy from the effort. Her body hurt in all the right places, and following his eyes, he was very much appreciating her.

In another place and time she would have left or put the blanket over her naked body but she didn't, feeling good about this, about him and the way he scanned her, his hand on her hip. Emma scooted closer, her hand traveling from his chest to his shoulder, there was a light scar on his bicep and she traced the edges of it, it seemed to have be once really deep. Killian took her hand in his and pressed it to his lips, kissing the tip of her fingers.

Neither of them seemed to feel the need to break the silence, if once it might have terrified her, triggering the strong desire to run away, to hide from him and his all too smart eyes but she didn't, she snuggled closer, pressing her forehead against her chest and relieving in the way his lips felt against her too hot forehead.

She found herself missing the hook for a second but quickly thought that considering they were both about to fall asleep it was probably better that way. Smiling against him, Killian's hand in her hair, Emma raised her chin to kiss his jaw, hoping he would understand.

He held her just a little tighter and she knew.

_Fin_


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